How to Give Your Kids A Stress-Free Summer
Summer is here! It’s meant to be the season of popsicle eating and picnic planning, firefly catching and cannonball splashing, but all too often we get a little overzealous with our sudden burst of free time (school’s out!) and schedule activities for every waking hour.
But Michele Borba, author of Unselfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World, says over-scheduled, over-whelmed kids are missing out on the free play and downtime that develops their capacity to care. We caught up with the expert on ways to give your kids a stress-free summer and here’s what she offered.
Cut one activity to make room for play with friends. 80 percent of kids say they wish they had more free time; 41 percent admit feeling stressed because they have too much to do. Sit down with your child and his calendar at the beginning of summer and ask, “Is there one extra activity that can be cut to free up time to connect with others and practice social skills?” Make sure “time with friends” is added to the agenda. And when your child is with a pal, make it an unplugged play date.
“Many of today’s children may never experience hopscotch, duck-duck-goose, dodge ball, and freeze tag,” says Borba. “Forty percent of American schools have either eliminated daily recess or considered doing away with it to find more time to prepare kids for tests. Kids enter summer break starved for play- so it’s crucial that during these few short months, we make up this deficit as much as possible.”
Choose a summer camp that emphasizes fun. A diverse mix of campers doesn’t hurt either! Parents increasingly view summer as a time to give kids an extra academic edge. That’s why so many opt to send kids to a serious math or computer camp instead of the kind where you swim in lakes, weave lanyards, and sing around campfires.
“This is often a mistake,” says Borba. “Kids need time to relax and be in situations that force them to interact with other kids- and if some of those other kids represent other races, cultures, genders, and belief systems, so much the better.”
Force kids to “unplug” as much as possible. Did you know that the average eight to eighteen-year-old is plugged in to a digital media device about 7 hours and 38 minutes per day? And that doesn’t count time spent texting or talking on cell phones. Even preschoolers spend 4.6 hours per day using screen media, and almost 40 percent of two- to four-year-olds use a smartphone or tablet. These numbers are shocking, and according to Borba, they’re a big part of the reason so many kids are lacking in empathy.
“Too much online communication means that our kids will be less equipped to develop skills to navigate their social world, learn emotional literacy, and practice empathizing,” she notes. “So set specific times to remain unplugged- for example, meal times, family meetings, and outings that involve other family members. Announce those times and stick to them!
Steer them toward cooperative (not competitive) games. Collaborating is about working for the team or family or group and it means you can’t always be first, win, or have your way. This lesson is increasingly rare in a trophy-driven world that often pits one child against another.
“Don’t underestimate old-fashioned strategies like rock, paper, scissors, pick a number, draw straws, and eenie, meenie, miney, moe in helping kids collaborate,” says Borba. “They also help kids resolve questions like ‘Who goes first?’ ‘Was the ball out of bounds?’ ‘What should we play?’ and other issues that can derail cooperation.
Hold summer family movie nights. Films can be portals to help our children understand other worlds and other views, to be more open to differences, and to cultivate new perspectives. Why not initiate a regular family movie time? Or start neighborhood summer drive-in movies- Families take turns tacking a sheet outside, plugging in the DVD player, spreading blankets on the lawn, and showing a great empathy-building flick for the neighbor kids to watch.
Find a place for kids to decompress. Even when kids feel empathy for others, stress, anger, and shame can thwart their ability to express their concerns. It’s yet another reason why our children need to learn to manage strong emotions and find a place to relax or decompress. Yes, it should be a literal place. Size doesn’t matter, but the spot should have a soothing feel.
“Introduce it as a place to calm down for every family member,” she suggests. “Don’t let kids equate it with discipline or ‘time out.’ You want them to want to decompress. Once they learn the value of decompressing in the summer, they’ll be more likely to use the strategy once school begins.”
Focus on face-to-face family interaction. We tend to focus more on the idea that it’s interaction with peers that creates the foundation for caring and getting along, but don’t overlook the value of dinner table discussions to develop empathy. Family meals and even carpools are great settings to let children routinely practice empathy builders like communicating, collaborating, and respecting each others’ views- especially when they don’t agree with them.
“Topics are endless. Just use your children’s world,” says Borba. “Ask about conflicts at school. Clip interesting articles from the newspaper. Discuss new movies. Debate who is going to win that big game or the election (and who really should). Then have siblings briefly rephrase the other’s feelings: “So you feel…” or “You think…”
Issue each child a summer chore list. One of the best ways to help kids develop an “unselfie” attitude is by assigning chores. After all, to really be a team player in any group, you must set aside your individual concerns for the needs of the group, which are tough notions for kids who are too tightly wrapped up in themselves.
You can purchase a copy of Borba’s new book Unselfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World here or stick around and browse these Tech Baby Names That Are About to Have A Moment.
Opening Image: Ainsley / Carlisle